Snow White, Harry Potter style
by Faraway
Summary: *COMPLETED* An extremely silly fic. Starring Princess Harry, Queen Voldemort and the Seven Weasleys (or dwarfs?).
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or stuff here.

A/N: Ok, this is the first time I'm writing a really silly story. Warning: I'm bad at humor, so don't expect this to be side-splitting funny. But when the idea popped into my head, I found it rather interesting, so here it is~

Once upon a time, there was a wizard kingdom ruled by a powerful wizard queen—Voldemort. Since the late king died, the queen ruled the kingdom with a tyrannical hand. He was so proud and stuck-up that no one was allowed to say his name, so the people of the kingdom usually called him You-know-who or He-who-must-not-be-named. Queen Voldemort's only living relative was Princess Harry, but he didn't like the boy, who was the result of the late king and his affair with a Muggle. No matter how mighty Voldemort was, he was unable to bear children, so he hated Princess Harry with all his heart. But he hid his hatred very well, because he didn't want the people in his kingdom to discover the late king's Muggle affair. 

Queen Voldemort had a magic mirror in which an ugly female face with huge spectacles would appear whenever he looked in it. Voldemort's favorite pastime was to look into the mirror and ask, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the most powerful wizard of them all?" And the mirror always replied, "You, Queen Voldemort." That would make Voldemort very happy, because he knew the people feared but disliked him, so the mirror's reply was a great ego boost. 

One day when Queen Voldemort got up and asked the mirror for the millionth time, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the most powerful wizard of them all?" Today the mirror replied, "You, Queen Voldemort." Voldemort was pleased and was about to leave when the mirror continued, "However, when I was doing a horoscope chart yesterday, I found an unhappy prospect lying in your path.…" 

Voldemort was greatly irritated and shrieked, "What do you mean?" The mirror sighed heavily and said, "In the future, Princess Harry will cause your tragic downfall…" 

Voldemort was stunned. "What, that midget in glasses is going to cause my downfall?" He flung open the windows of his bedroom and saw Princess Harry picking flowers in the royal garden. Voldemort laughed. It's all too easy. 

Queen Voldemort was ready to act. He called for the largest man in his service—Hagrid the Hunter—and ordered him to take Princess Harry into the Forbidden Forest behind the palace and kill him. "Do not return until you bring his heart and liver to me." Hagrid bowed and taking his big pink umbrella, he left. 

Hagrid went to the royal garden and found Princess Harry singing happily while zooming among the flower beds on his Firebolt, searching for a very rare species—the Golden Snitch. He felt very sad, pink umbrella in hand, because this sweet, cute little princess had no idea that death was so near. With a heavy heart, he told the princess to follow him to the Forbidden Forest. 

"But the queen said no one can enter the forest!" Princess Harry said in surprise. 

"Well, she gave me permission."

"But…I've heard there are huge spiders and a three-head dog and…" 

"Stay close to me and yer won' be afraid." 

So Princess Harry went with Hagrid the Hunter to the Forbidden Forest. Hagrid was about to bring his pink umbrella down on Harry's head, when suddenly the princess gave a yell and turned around, with the most radiant, innocent smile on his face. He had found the uncommon Golden Snitch Flower. When he saw Hagrid standing before him with his pink umbrella in the air, Princess Harry shuddered and backed away. "What…what are you doing?" he stammered. 

Suddenly Hagrid broke out crying and fell on his knees. The pink umbrella had dropped on the ground, crushing a few slugs. "Forgive me, princess." He wailed. "The queen told me to kill yer…but I can't do it…I can't…" 

Princess Harry was amazed. "Why does she want to kill me?" 

Hagrid stopped crying and looked at the princess, his huge chest heaving up and down. "Yer a wizard, Harry." 

"I'm…I'm a what?" 

"A wizard, and maybe a powerful one. That's why the queen wants to kill yer." Hagrid suddenly stood up and made a wild gesture for Harry to leave. "Go! Run away as fast as yer can…into the forest! Never come back or the queen'll find yer!" 

Harry was terrified. He put both hands on his Firebolt and zoomed away at maximum speed, dodging trees and animals here and there. He flew and flew until it got very dark and he was getting hungry. Suddenly he saw a little crooked house before him with a lopsided sign near the entrance which read: The Burrow. 

to be continued~

A/N: I know that I should be continue on "Buried Secrets", but I couldn't help getting this fic out. Don't take it too seriously. Phew, now I've got to return to school work... 


	2. Chapter 2

"The Burrow? What a funny name. Maybe rabbits live inside." 

Princess Harry got off his Firebolt and went up to the little wooden door. Knock, knock, knock. There was no answer. He turned the knob, and found the door was unlocked. Since he had no place to go, the princess went in.

It was a cozy little house with small-sized furniture. There were quaint chairs, crooked tables, and all kinds of queer stuff scattered here and there. Princess Harry amused himself exploring the house, forgetting he was trespassing other people's property. It was fun, anyway. Once he ate a custard cream lying on a table, and suddenly he turned into a large canary. Princess Harry was horrified at first, but the spell worn off soon, so it had been an interesting experience, after all. Finally, he felt very tired and climbed into bed.

Soon the masters of the house came home.

"Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's home from work we go! Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, heigh-ho!" 

A cheery whistle followed the chanting, and seven lanterns bobbed into sight. A line of dwarfs were coming down the road, towards the Burrow. All of them had flaming red hair and carried axes and spades. They were the Seven Weasleys.

As soon as they approached the door, they noted, with alarm, that it was half-open.

"Look! Somebody has broken into the house! Maybe they're after our money?" Bill Weasley said.

"Hope it's a dragon," Charlie Weasley muttered, much to the horror of his younger brother, Percy Weasley.

"We must inform the Magical Law Enforcement Squad to send trained Hit Wizards..."

"Very clever, Perce," yawned Fred Weasley. "Giving the dragon time to finish us, one by one."

"Let's chuck it on the head," said George Weasley, pretending to take a swipe on an imaginary foe with his spade. "Better clash in battle and die in glory!"

"Yeah...as long as it's not a spider." Ron Weasley joined in.

"Oh...stop teasing him, you three." Ginny Weasley admonished her elder brothers. "Let's go in and find out."

Stealthily, sneakily, the seven Weasleys stole into the house. Each of them let out a cry of surprise.

"Who took away my fang earring?" demanded Bill Weasley.

"And put it on my pet Hungarian Horntail's model?" laughed Charlie Weasley.

"Who spilled tea on my darling lovey Penny's face?" cried Percy Weasley, holding up a soaked picture.

"Who tried out our newest invention?" Fred Weasley said, eyeing the table.

"And made a great...success?" George Weasley picked up a few bright yellow feathers scattered on the floor.

"Who's been reading my copy of '_The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle_'?" asked Ron.

"And who's sleeping in my bed...now?" squealed Ginny, pointing.

Her brothers all looked in her direction. Sure enough, there was a small mound under the white sheets of Ginny's bed. Now that they were all silent, they even heard a snore coming from the sleeper.

"We'll see who this trespasser is..." muttered Bill, stepping forward. "Ginny, you stay right there with Ron. Charlie, Fred, George...come on, guys."

They raised their axes and spades and tiptoed beside the bed.

"One, two..._three_!"

Just before the tip of Bill's axe touched the sheet, the sleeper gave another snore and turned. From the light of Fred's lantern they could plainly recognize the familiar jet-black hair and thin face...

"Princess Harry!" The four dwarfs yelled in unison.

"What?" cried Ron and Ginny.

The commotion had woken Harry from his slumber. He slowly opened his eyes. "What's...what's going on?"

"Your Highness!" Fred and George were pushed aside as Percy dashed to the bedside. Making an extremely low bow, Percy said in his most respectful voice, "Percy Weasley at your service, your Highness."

Princess Harry obviously wasn't fully awake. He rubbed his eyes and felt around for his glasses. "Huh? Percy Weatherby?"

The Weasleys all laughed, except for Percy, of course.

"Your Highness!" exclaimed Fred Weasley, elbowing Percy behind him and shaking Harry's hand. "What an honor! How do you do?"

"Would you care for a cup of tea?" added George, bowing deeply.

"Wait." Bill put both hands on the twins' heads and shoved them aside. "Your Highness, excuse the question, but aren't you supposed to be in the palace? Why did you come here?"

Princess Harry's cheerful expression vanished. He looked at the seven Weasleys--he felt he could trust them. So with a great sigh, the next ten minutes Harry told his story.

"Lousy git!" Ron Weasley exclaimed as soon as the princess finished.

"You'd better stay here; it's too dangerous," said Ginny Weasley, and blushed as red as her hair.

Nobody seemed to notice her. "Yeah, do stay," chimed in the twins, followed by Bill and Charlie. Percy Weasley looked skeptical. He was thinking, "According to the Magical Rule for Royalties, the children of the king and queen cannot leave home without special permission..."

"With all my heart." Percy heard Princess Harry say.

"Yeah!" Fred and George whooped. Harry couldn't help grinning. When he was at the palace, he had everything that money could buy. But the queen was indifferent to his social life, and often the princess felt isolated from the world. Now it seemed that he had found real friends.

So Princess Harry stayed at the Burrow. He kept house for the dwarfs while they were out digging for treasure. The Weasleys, afraid that the queen may be hunting for Harry, warned the princess not to let any strangers into the house. Harry promised them, but sometimes curiosity can kill.

A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed. For G.D. Jade's question...hmm...I never thought of that before. Let's pretend that Princess Harry didn't KNOW he was a wizard, but still he has the ability to fly. And Captain Falcon, sorry but the prince isn't going to be Cho. It's not Hermione or Ginny, either. I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible.


	3. Chapter 3

Queen Voldemort was standing in front of the mirror again. For the billionth time, he asked the question, "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the most powerful wizard of them all?" Then he waited with a satisfied smile plastered on his snakelike face for the answer.

However, this time the mirror replied, "Alas...you cannot escape the fates! One day, sooner or later, Princess Harry will bring you down, rip the life away from your body!"

Voldemort was shocked. "No! It can't be true! The boy's dead; I ordered to have him killed!"

The mirror dropped her tragic tone into a conspiratorial whisper. "Not as you think. I have seen...in my crystal ball...over the hills and far away, Princess Harry dwells with the Seven Weasleys today."

Queen Voldemort was enraged. His hungry red eyes flashed with anger, his chalk-white face twisted and contorted, his appearance turned uglier than usual, if that could be possible.

It was time to plot out the murder. After a long time of deep thought, Voldemort decided to fashion a magic comb. It would possess a dangerous poison. Knowing Princess Harry, he always had trouble combing his hair, which kept sticking out in different directions. Voldemort was sure that the princess would have no objection trying out the product.

"Bring Severus Snape here." Queen Voldemort told his servant, Wormtail, to call for the potions master in the whole kingdom.

Within minutes, a man with a hooked nose and greasy black hair was brought to the throne.

"Severus, I want you to make a strong poison. It must be able to be concealed in this comb, and whoever uses it shall die as soon as it touches his hair."

Snape stared. Why such a ridiculous request? "And who will be the unfortunate victim...if I may ask?"

"Princess...none of your business, Severus. Just do what I said."

But Snape was already aware that the queen was after Harry. Much as he disliked the princess, the late king had saved his life, so he owed the child a debt. He never wanted to see the princess dead, even though he hated the very sight of the midget in glasses. Yet he could not disobey the queen. At last Snape concocted a poison which would make people fall down in a dead faint, but not really lethal.

Queen Voldemort planned to disguise himself using Polyjuice Potion, but he hadn't decided whose hair to use. Princess Harry recognized everyone in the royal palace. Lucky for Voldemort, a wandering minstrel, Quirrel, had come to the palace today. Using his charms, Queen Voldemort convinced Quirrel to let him share his body and find Harry.

Meanwhile at the Burrow, Princess Harry was singing happily as he swept the floor and washed the dishes. Suddenly he heard a brisk knock on the door. Harry was startled, but he went to the door and peeped out from the little hole on it. To his relief, he didn't see the queen outside or any of the royal guards (Death Eaters is the official name, though). Instead, a young man wearing a purple turban stood on the porch.

"What do you want?" Harry asked as he opened the door.

The stranger smiled. "Ple...plenty of...goo...good wares to sell, sir." He reached inside his robes and took out a beautiful silver comb with intricate carvings. "Wou...would you...like...to?"

Princess Harry hesitated. He thought of his messy hair which never stayed in place. Surely it wouldn't hurt to give it a try? What if the comb cured his Hair-Sticking-Out-All-The-Time problem? Besides, it doesn't mean he has to buy the product now. He could let his mind decide after trying out that fashionable comb.

"Er...okay." Princess Harry gave in to temptation. He reached out to take the comb.

Alas! No sooner had the gleaming comb touched his hair, Harry felt an electric lightning rip through his body, and he fell down onto the floor as though struck by the Full Body-Bind.

"Ha ha ha!" roared Voldemort, but since his face was concealed in the turban, his laughter was muffled. Now the mission was completed, the queen couldn't wait to hurry back to the palace to the mirror.

When the Seven Weasleys came home, they were shocked to find Princess Harry sprawled on the ground. "Oh no!" squeaked Ginny, running to the limp form and getting on her knees. Her brothers came over.

"He's alive," said Bill, feeling for Harry's pulse. Charlie whipped out his wand and shouted, _ "Enervate!" _But nothing happened.

"There must be some way." Ron said hopefully, racking his brain to come up with a plan. "Or maybe we can ask the Know-It-All..."

"Hey, look at this!" Fred exclaimed, pointing at the comb entangled in Harry's hair. "He's been combing his hair before he fell."

"Take it out." ordered Bill, at a sudden inspiration.

George leaned down and did the job. It worked! Princess Harry's eyelids flickered open. He sat up. "Wha...what happened?"

"That's what we were going to ask." said Bill. "Don't you remember anything, your Highness?"

Princess Harry ran his thoughts back in his head. Since he wasn't affected by a Memory Charm, he soon recalled the man (Quirrel) selling goods. He had tried it on...and remembered nothing later.

"It must be the queen. Either she was disguising herself or sent a servant to kill you," concluded Charlie.

The other six Weasleys nodded their flaming red heads. They made the princess promise NOT to let anyone inside or try any more goods. ("_You look good enough even with untidy hair_," thought Ginny.)

At the palace, Queen Voldemort once more went up to his mirror to ask the question You-Know-What. The mirror again gave the answer that made the queen flare up with hot wrath. "I'll have to think of a better plan," Voldemort muttered, going to the Restricted Section in the palace for ideas.

A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed! I see many have guessed who the prince is. It's NOT going to be Snape or Draco. Too cliché, I think, with so many H/D and H/S out there. By the way, to those who've read "Buried Secrets" (Excuse the shameless plug: Please read my other two stories; the time and effort I've spent on them are far more than this ridiculous little fic!) , I'm in the process of rewriting it because I found I can't keep everything in Cho's POV. I'm changing the whole thing to selective omniscience. Okay, gotta go!


	4. Chapter 4

The Restricted Section was a large chamber lined with dusty shelves and tables. The entrance was a solid wall on which two entwined serpents were carved, their eyes set with great, glittering emeralds. (A/N:These two sentences are copied from CoS). The only way to enter was to say "Open" in Parseltongue. 

No one except Queen Voldemort and Princess Harry could speak this unique snake language, but Harry never knew about this place, because reason number one: The queen never told him; reason number two: The way to the Restricted Section included a secret passage, and the entrance of it was located in a haunted girls' bathroom.

Queen Voldemort swept inside the chamber, and using his wand, made every book on the shelf zoom to his outstretched hand. He leafed through the pages, searching desperately for a perfect plan to kill Princess Harry. 

Suddenly, the solution hit him--_botulism_! Why hadn't he thought of it before? The poison he had put on the comb could be easily removed because it's easy to spot, but if he used food poisoning? "They'd have to cut up his stomach to find it," thought Voldemort, chuckling evilly.

Now it was time to find out Princess Harry's favorite snack. Queen Voldemort decided to take a tour in the kitchens. The house elves almost died of pride and honor to see the queen, and they all gathered around him like swarming bees, each trying to offer him as much food as possible. Voldemort couldn't make himself heard, so he had to scream, "WILL YOU ALL BE QUIET!"

Finally, Queen Voldemort stormed out the kitchens, making a vow never to return. He didn't find out what Princess Harry liked best. The house elves' squabbling were enough to make his greying hair turn white.

"What shall I choose then?" the queen mused, sweeping through the wide corridors. Because he was too preoccupied--and so was the person coming the opposite way--the two engrossed people collided.

"Your Majesty! I'm sorry...I didn't mean to..." said the other, getting on his knees.

"Who are you?" Voldemort didn't recognize the pale pointed face and blond hair.

"Lucius Malfoy, your Majesty. I...I'm a servant in your service." The man stammered, though his cold grey eyes were darting toward a heap of scattered stuff on the royal carpet. Voldemort was about to ban this Malfoy man from his court, but his curiosity came first.

"What is this?"

"Er...Every Flavor Beans, your Majesty. It's the newest product...imported from our neighborhood, Hogsmeade Kingdom."

"Why haven't I heard of this before?" demanded Voldemort, picking up a few coal black and dark green beans.

_"How would we know that you like sweets?" _thought Lucius Malfoy, but didn't dare to say it out aloud. Instead, he said in his most oily voice, "You may not want to try this, your Majesty. These beans...contain every flavor you can think."

"That so?" Voldemort popped the biggest one into his mouth, and chewed it up. "Raw fish! My favorite flavor!" (Much to Lucius Malfoy's surprise)

The queen was looking delighted. "I'll have a basketful sent here," he muttered. "Lucius, you will be promoted to the highest ranking position in my court."

With that, the Queen Voldemort departed. He could almost sing! This time--things will go well. They must.

* * * 

Today, Princess Harry had finished scrubbing the floor at the Burrow. Feeling tired and sweaty, he thought about taking his Firebolt for a ride, but eventually decided against it. The dwarfs were so good to him; Harry would be very discomfited to ditch their advice, which he knew perfectly well was for his own safety.

Knock, knock, knock. Harry almost jumped. "Just ignore it, just ignore it..." he kept telling himself. But as the knocking grew louder and faster, the princess couldn't stand it any more. He strode to the door, flung it open, and shouted angrily, "What on EARTH do you want?"

Outside an old hunchbacked lady stood, carrying a basket full of beans. Princess Harry was immediately attracted to those beans, for they were of all colors--apple-green, sky blue, rosy red, shiny silver...

"Every Flavor Beans," announced the old lady, who was really Voldemort in disguise. "I am from Hogsmeade Kingdom, and wanted to sell some of these to your land. Would you like some, my dear?" ("_That's the most disgusting term I've ever used_," thought Voldemort.)

"Er...er..." Harry wasn't sure. Part of him was itching to try this fascinating food, but the other part remained dubious. What if...what if those beans were poisonous again?

Voldemort had already expected this hesitancy. "Well well...are you afraid?" Then he mentally slapped himself. "I meant...these beans are fun! Look, _I'll_ eat one to prove they are good. Okay?"

The queen dipped his hand into the basket, and drew out a toffee-coloured bean. This was the only bean that wasn't poisoned in the whole lot. Then he popped it into his mouth, and nearly choked. Ear wax!

But Voldemort forced a painful smile, because he was afraid that the princess would be scared if he knew there were disgusting flavors. "Hey...this tastes good! Er...chocalate ice-cream!

Princess Harry looked impressed. Surely this tiny little bean wouldn't hurt him? "Er...I'll...I'll take one. Only one." he added hastily.

"Here you go. Pick your favorite color."

With baited breath, Queen Voldemort watched the princess select a red-and-gold bean and chew it up.

"Well?" the queen could hardly contain his eagerness.

"I...I..." Suddenly, the princess slumped on the floor in a dead faint.

"Ha ha ha!" cackled Voldemort. He was so excited that his plan had worked. But as he remembered last time's failure, he suddenly thought, "I guess I'll use my wand, just to make sure." (A/N: I know the best way is the Killing Charm, but there are Snow White guidelines to follow~)

Pulling out his wand, the queen pointed it at Harry's forehead. "_Avada Kedavra_!" he screamed.

A flash of green light pelted toward Harry, and almost shot back immediately. The spell had rebounded on Voldemort.

"_Ahhhhhh_!" The queen shrieked, for his body seemed to be seared through fire. The pain was intense. Then the pain gradually abated, and nothing was left but the weak soul of the once powerful notorious Queen Voldemort.

The poor helpless queen had barely enough strength to flee. But it was necessary to leave...any one, even a child, could hurt him with a blow. So Voldemort left the kingdom. No one knew where he really went, but it was rumored that he was living somewhere in Albania.

* * *

When the seven dwarfs came back, they were devastated to see Princess Harry lying on the floor again.

"No, not again," groaned Charlie Weasley.

"Let's see what it is this time," said Fred Weasley, with more energy than sadness.

"Oh no," whispered Ginny Weasley.

"I thought we had _warned_ him to be careful," muttered Percy Weasley.

"Aw...come on. We'll fix him up!" Ron Weasley seemd to be pretty confident.

But no matter how hard they tried--even with Fred and George's efforts--Princess Harry remained unconscious. They used every kinds of spells and charms, but in vain. They noticed, however, that a new lightning-shaped scar had formed on his forehead.

"Guess we should ask the Know-It-All," said Ron in exasperation, after two days.

"You just want to see her again..." teased George, but Bill cut him off.

"Ron's right; we have no choice."

* * *

The Know-It-All lived in a library somewhere at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. She was a young woman with bushy brown hair and rather large front teeth. She was known to be bossy and commanding, but since she possessed such a wealth of knowledge, people still would come often to ask advice. Last time the dwarfs visited her because Ginny Weasley had a terrible illness.

The Know-It-All was sitting on a large rocking chair reading when the dwarfs arrived. Several heavy books scattered in a messy circle around her on the floor.

"Ron, you go first." Fred gave his red-faced youngest brother a shove.

"Shut up," said Ron, pushing back. Bill pretended not to have seen them.

"Miss Granger? Sorry to have bothered you, but we've got a real problem on our hands now."

The Know-It-All was interested and asked many questions. Bill and Charlie gave the details of how Princess Harry escaped from the palace, how he came to stay at the Burrow, and how the queen twice plotted to kill him.

"What can we do?" Ginny asked in a tearful voice.

The Know-It-All didn't answer; she was already pulling down book by book from the shelves. "Hmm...the only way is...yes, that's the only way..." And she gave them the answer in a low, but firm voice.

"WHAT?" bellowed Ron. "You can't be serious! No way!"

"I TOLD you it's the only way!" shouted the Know-It-All. She felt very angry at Ron Weasley for yelling at her after she had looked up at least twenty books for the solution.

Ron responded with another heated remark, and the two quarreled in front of the Weasley twins and Ginny's amused eyes.

"Ok, stop it, Ron." said Bill, pulling Ron away. "Miss Granger, thank you very much. We'll do our best to see what can be done."

"All right." The Know-It-All was still glowering.

* * *

Back to the Burrow, the dwarfs laid the princess carefully and gently into a large silver casket. He looked so cute and innocent and peaceful, lying in there with a bunch of fresh flowers tucked under his folded hands. A wreath of flowers was put on his black head, too. On the casket was titled in gold letters--Princess Harry James Potter.

Every day one of the dwarfs would stay and guard the casket--which was carried to a small hilltop near the Burrow--while the other dwarfs went digging.

On Sunday, all seven dwarfs went to the hilltop, sat beside the coffin, and wept, even Percy Weasley. They sorely missed Princess Harry, even though he wasn't with them for very long.

Suddenly, they heard a low, rattling noise. Something in a cloak and hood was moving up onto the hill. A wave of sickening coldness swept over the seven dwarfs.

It was a dementor.

Bill Weasley gritted his teeth. This was the solution the Know-It-All had found out. _Only through the deadly dementor's kiss could the most deadly poison be sucked out._

Bill nudged Charlie, and together, they used their wands to pry open the silver casket. The dementor swept up to the casket, and bent down. It clamped it's jaws over Harry's, and the poisonous bean was removed.

Princess Harry opened his eyes, and sat up. "Where am I? Have I fallen asleep again?" Then seeing the grotesque form towering before him, the princess yelled. The thing he feared most was a dementor.

So the princess leaped up and ran away, as fast as he could, away from the hilltop, away from the Seven Weasleys, and away from the wizard kingdom.

THE END

A/N: Ok, I know that not many people will be very happy about this ending. Like it or not, I'm not going to change it, 'cause I think it's more fun than a typical fairy tale end (:P) Geez, this is the first story I've finished. Hooray!


End file.
